Gene, as many of you know, was among a unique group of people who were “born in space”, in Santa Rita, NM. Being the only son, life with five sisters prepared him for success in a predominantly female profession. He was molded early on by Luisa’s love and MP’s caring. He was a brother, a friend, an uncle, a spouse, a son, a brother-in-law, and a student, a wild, kind, curious, compassionate being.
Geno loved people, and yet he was a homebody, loving most to be at home with Breezy, and me, putzing in the yard, or at home on the farm, working up a sweat.
He was a musicologist, a bird-watcher, a lover of hawks and flowers, a consummate reader, a life-long Yankees fan, baseball his favorite sport. He was a gardener, a hiker, a reluctant traveler, and though he continued to insist that he wasn’t really a sailor, after 30 years with me, he was the best first mate I could possibly have and I don’t know that Symphony and I will be able to sail together much more without him.
Dr. Valles was a student of life, people and politics, sifting through multiple sources of information to digest and reflect on any evidence of peace, justice and morality. We shared our politics completely.
Eugenio was a loving, caring and responsible son, adored by MP and Luisa. Over these past six or seven years, Gene spent his New Mexico time with Luisa at Ft. Bayard, or helping MP in Hurley. He would find usually only 24 hours or so to spend at his most favorite spot on earth, No Cattle Company, always facilitated fully by Michael and Sharlene.
Although Gene could cruise comfortably with the girls personally and professionally, he loved his time with the boys. How many of us are lucky enough to have had a friend like Howie for 55 years? With Jerry and Joe not far behind, Terry and at least 3 Michaels, at least one of whom can be truly defined a soul mate. One of his best San Diego buds, Paul, can’t be here today, as he is supporting his wife as she too battles cancer. And although he and Jim have been friends for years, the level of bonding they experienced as Jim supported him on his journey through cancer, can’t be measured in words. Jim was, Gene said, his favorite caregiver. And all of us who know them are thinking that of course, as his spirit is enfolded in the wings of his mother, one arm is reaching out for the cold beers being cracked by Tommy and Mark.
Bean had some incredible karma that lasted him 60 years. Life just seemed to roll his way, whether it was the good car karma that I was able to share, the Caliente, The Red Rooster, he must have gotten that, along with his hands, from his dad. He was a good boy, I’ve been told, a “school boy”. The son of a mineworker, he found himself on a college track, first a math major at Western NMU. Drafted into the army during the Vietnam War, his karma found him doing time in El Paso, the resulting GI bill later paying for his education and helping us buy our first home.
Although drifting a wild bit after the army, and serving time at Roses Cantina among other watering holes, as young people are often want to do, it was his volunteer work at Southwest Services for the Handicapped that pointed him in the direction of Special Education as a career.
His friendship with Tom Foy Jr. was no small part of him being included as an original partner in No Cattle Company. After a few years of teaching at Silver High School, he moved to Albuquerque, returning to UNM where we met in 1975 while working on our Bachelor’s Degrees. He earned a Masters Degree in Special Education and was teaching in APS when he was invited and encouraged to enter the doctoral program, something he never consciously sought, making him an anomaly in higher education. He was a teacher of teachers who actually taught public school for 17 years. He was loved by colleagues and students alike, a thinker, non-judgmental, caring and motivating, providing avenues into the teaching profession for students like himself, from diverse backgrounds, often second-language learners and first generation college attendees. But for sure, he preferred, when asked, not “Dr. Valles”, but ever humble, “just Gene”.
Although his career unfolded seemingly effortlessly (not counting the dissertation writing completed thanks to the encouragement of Dr. Anne Tafoya), he did actively pursue the love of his life, a seemingly unlikely blond-haired, blue-eyed beach girl from New York.
After a 4 year long-distance romance with breaks and interventions (stories there), we both returned to UNM in 1980 and were married in Tennessee in 1981, beginning the official part of our 35 years together. And, as Gene will have two memorials, (the next in San Diego on July 14) we also had two weddings. We married in Tennessee on Dec. 27, spent our honeymoon driving West on I-40 (but enjoyed many, many great trips later to make up for the lack of relaxation on that one!), to a New Year’s Eve Party at the Lions Club in Bayard, put together by the same friends, in the same way that the party we are about to attend will be.
Family or friend contact lapsed or lost did not mean love lapsed or lost for Gene. And friends usually meant a party, we’ll tell more of those stories later.
Gene’s sisters tell me he was a Mama’s boy and that must be where he learned to love. And love he did- life, family, his friends, our cats: Wolfie, Kitty Litter, and Breezy, and me. He deeply loved the desert southwest and a particular corner of it called No Cattle Company.
One of our greatest lessons through this terrible journey, where Gene suffered SO greatly, was LOVE, and receiving all the love that sustained us. The love and gratitude he received from his students was often what choked him up, as he clearly cared so much for them.
So the greatest lesson, as all the prophets and God have taught, truly is LOVE. The love Gene had for me, I’ve always known, is the greatest gift one can receive in life, even in its less than perfect forms. Gene is now PURE LOVE, no longer embodied, his love lives on in us all. Remember and reflect on his love every time you enjoy the beauty of flowers, bite into a perfect crisp fresh apple, or pop that first, or fourth beer.
Gene told me in his last days that he was sorry he disappointed all those people who prayed, who sent energy and love and begged the universe for his survival in human form. I told him, NO; he was a model of courage, of tenacity, and of hope in spite of tremendous odds. He was a warrior who fought through trials beyond imagination.
God’s plan for Gene is different than the one we wanted. But he lives on in us all. Each time we meet, each hug we exchange, the love and energy of Gene will be rekindled. Keep the web of love, energy, prayer, hope and reflection alive. Gene is part of it, and will continue to connect us all. God will bless him, this I believe. Thank you for being here.
Here is the obituary that I wrote with help from friends and family and which will appear in the Silver City Daily Press, his hometown newspaper:
Gene Valles
July 13, 1949- June 23, 2010
Eugeñio Calderon Valles was born to Manuel and Luisa Valles in Santa Rita, NM, on July 13, 1949. He was raised and attended school in Hurley NM, the only son among six children. He learned the ways of horses from his dad, and began his lifetime love of baseball as a Little Leaguer. A high school wrestler, he graduated from Cobre HS in 1967, and attended WNMU before serving in the US Army from 1971-1973.
He found his career direction in volunteer work for Southwest Services for the Handicapped, and went on to earn a BA and MA degree from UNM in Special Education. He spent 17 years as a public school teacher, including 4 years at Silver HS, 1976-1980, where he also coached Cross-Country Track.
He married his college sweetheart, Gail, in 1981. They both taught in Albuquerque Public Schools, and Gene earned his PhD in Special Education from UNM in 1992. Since 1993 he had been living in San Diego, CA, working as a professor, a teacher of teachers, at San Diego State University. He returned to his home in the Mimbres Valley whenever he could.
Dr. Valles focused his career on helping those who learn differently. During his tenure at SDSU, he particularly worked to provide access to a career in Special Education for students like himself, from diverse backgrounds, often second-language learners and first-generation college attendees.
Gene was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on Jan. 15, 2010. Prayers were answered as he found a donor for a Bone Marrow Transplant. However, he died from treatment-related complications 60 days after transplant. He battled as a true warrior, determined, though wounded.
A celebration of Gene’s life took place on June 27, with a funeral service at the San Juan Mission Church, in the Mimbres Valley. A memorial will also be held in San Diego in mid-July. He was preceded in death by his mother, Luisa and nephews Michael and Daniel Morales, and brother-in-law, David Delgado. He is survived by his father, Manuel Pacheco (MP) Valles, age 97, of Hurley; his wife, Gail, of San Diego, and her family; sisters Emilia Morales of Colton, CA, Genevieve (Guera) Jimenez of Glendale, AZ, Teresa Delgado of Kempner, TX, and Maria Dolores Tovar and Victoria Valles-Mora of Albuquerque. He was blessed as well with many, many wonderful nieces and nephews.
For anyone wishing to honor his memory, donations may be made to any of the following:
Gene Valles Memorial Scholarship Fund
Checks payable to:
The Campanile Foundation
San Diego State University
5500 Campanile Drive
San Diego CA 92182-8030
Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org
888-773-9958
Or donations made in Gene’s name to the:
San Juan Mission Church
HC 71 Box 1377
San Lorenzo, NM 88041
And finally, the information again on the SDSU Memorial:
Date: Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
Time: 3:30 p.m.
Location: Parma Payne Goodall Alumni Center
San Diego State University
55th Street and Hardy Avenue
San Diego, CA 92182
Parking is available at no charge in Parking Structure 5 (adjacent to the Alumni Center; enter from 55th Street).
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